Color Commentary

Like most white males, I am not a dancer. If I've had a few drinks and only need to bump and grind, then I can marginally hold my own. I hold a firm belief that if a guy doesn't like grinding to hip hop, he should just turn in his man card at the door and leave, also dumping any sports memorabilia, poker chips, free Subway sandwich coupons, flasks, boxers, avatars, zippo lighters, and everything else that defines him as a member of the male race. This isn't a knock on gays, for I can say with fair certainty they also enjoy getting their cock rubbed on while on the dance floor. Probably even more than us straight dudes. This is a knock on men who physically do not have penises - and based on his recent articles, America's High Five is in the running for that award.

Now you're probably thinking to yourself dancing is all about emotion, freedom, individuality, sexuality, and letting yourself go! Be in the moment! Dance like no one is watching! Well this video debunks that entire theory. If you can stomach watching the whole thing, you'll get a pleasant/awful surprise at the end. (Or just fast forward like I did.)

Yes, let's all have a collective "what the fuck?" after you debated to yourself if she was having a seizure. If you've noticed, everyone stops dancing and starts watching, and when the midget at the party makes a move - you've stooped to a low-ass level (Pun totally intended.) Even the little dude doesn't know what to do with her, but while watching this clip I couldn't help but remember this classic Seinfeld skit:

Bai Ling

(From China Daily Information)

Anyways the chick featured in the vid is Bai Ling, who recently appeared in Lost, but has a long list of movies, television appearances, and theater work. I honestly don't find her attractive and only wanted to write about her because of that ludicrous video clip. Even in late rounds, stay away from her in the draft. If your LLFD includes Badass Midgets, that guy could be a nice sleeper pick, but if not - settle for this girl instead:

Stephanie Ly

(From Beautiful Newsmakers)

Canadian-born Stephanie Ly got introduced to the world as the Ms. BF Goodrich for the Sport Compact Tour. That's about all I know, and all you really need to know as well. She moved to Hollywood to get commercial work, so she could earn me VTHOF status if she doesn't screw it up. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take the baseball glove High Five left with his man card at the door; this'll save me the trouble of borrowing it this Sunday for softball. Along with ever having to see him in person again. Talk about sweet.